So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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