I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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