I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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