I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
