Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
