if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
