Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
