You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize