just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
