he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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