So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
