idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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