so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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