We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You dont lie about slip and slides
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
