I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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