I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
