I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
