dude i'm inner monologue high
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
