My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
