Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
try to milk me bitch
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
