why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
