i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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