suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
