I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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