what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
