just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
