So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
