when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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