mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
