they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
