It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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