i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
