Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
is wine microwaveable?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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