My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
