So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
