I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You're like the curious george of whores
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
