remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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