"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
