i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
