So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
it was like eating out sand paper
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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