I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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