I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
