Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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