You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
false alarm, still single
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
