just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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