I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
