smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
