K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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