The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
