you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
